Dr Malini Yugendran
Auckland, January 17, 2023
Identity is a dynamic concept. It is a combination of our beliefs, values, attitudes, and experience. It shapes how we see ourselves and the world. For many of us, the process of figuring out who we are is a lifelong one that starts in childhood and continues throughout our lives.
However, experts say that for those in their 20s, identity can be particularly challenging and confusing. This is a period of transition when one leaves behind their adolescent selves and become adults. It is a time of figuring out who we are, what we want, and where we want to go.
Indian Newslink spoke to Mathusha Paraneetharan, a 20-year-old New Zealand born Tamil who is a Finance and Infosys student and a public speaker on her identity navigation.
Who am I
Ms Paraneetharan said, “if you had asked me this 10 years ago, I would have said, I am Sri Lankan. And I think that was almost just to make life easier for me, just because I knew if I said I was Kiwi, people would be like, nah, but where are you actually from? And that makes me feel insecure. So, I would just say I am Sri Lankan. And then as I got older and I realised how important identity is, a true identity that I believe in is for me, not just for me in society, but for my mental health as well. Now, I would say that my identity is a Tamil Kiwi.”
Ms Paraneetharan speaks about her evolving identity.
What am I
Ms Paraneetharan recounts her primary school incident when she was eight years old.
“I remember, we had to write our name, our age, and then circle or tick our ethnic group. And there was European, Māori, Pacifica, Indian, Asian, African. So, me and two other Sri Lankan Tamil girls went up to my teacher and asked which one do we tick? And she was like, oh, just tick Indian. So, there is a perception that we are all from this one country called India, that we are all just the same.”
She admitted that she went about nominating herself as Indian many times.
“As an eight-year-old, I think I was like, okay, yeah, maybe she is right. When you are children, you look at a teacher and you think they know the world, they know everything.”
Ms Paraneetharan said that it was not until her intermediate school that people started identifying herself as Sri Lankan.
Sri Lankan vs New Zealander identity
The journey of discovering our identities can be a difficult and painful process, but it allows us to understand ourselves better, to embrace our uniqueness, and to find the courage to be true to ourselves. Ms. Paraneetharan shared with Indian Newslink on how she shed her Sri Lankan identity.
“Yes, my parents migrated to New Zealand as Tamil refugees in the nineties, from Sri Lanka, but I personally do not like considering myself a Sri Lankan because that was not it. I could never call Sri Lanka a home for me. And that is purely because it was never safe for my parents. It was a life-or-death situation if they stayed there. So, they had to move to New Zealand. I was born here and having lived my entire life in New Zealand, I think New Zealand is definitely what I call home. So that does play a big part in my identity. So, I do not think I can ever identify myself as a Sri Lankan,” she said.
Ethnolinguistic Identity
The term “ethnolinguistic identity” refers to the connection between a person’s ethnicity and the language they use.
One’s ethnolinguistic identity can have an impact on views towards language rights and language preservation. It can also act as a source of pride. Ethnolinguistic identity is a key component in understanding the complexity of human identity, culture, and society.
“I was living two separate lives. When I was home, I was watching Tamil movies, singing Tamil songs, but then I was also learning lyrics to English songs, which I do not listen to, but I just wanted to know them, so when I go to school, I can feel included,” Ms Paraneetharan said.
She admits that there were moments when she would pretend that she did not know Tamil and would converse with her mom only in English when friends were around.
“There is almost this expectation that we must assimilate this [English usage]. I felt as though I had to assimilate into this westernised society to fit in, that I must let go of everything about my parents’ identity, everything.”
Ms Paraneetharan, who is also a Bharatanatyam dancer, explained how things changed and how she is now proud of her Tamil identity, the Tamil language, cultural practices, and values. She expressed her gratitude to her parent for inculcating these virtues in her and most importantly for having those difficult conversations that taught her to be proud of her heritage.
Inclusion policy
With the Treaty of Waitangi, the Disability Strategy, and the Human Rights Act, New Zealand hopes to build a more inclusive society where everyone has an equal chance to succeed. But is this really the case, Ms Paraneetharan shares her lived experience.
“It was almost very depressing because I remember, especially in intermediate school, I was going through a very hard time. I went to a predominantly white intermediate school, and there were just no avenues for me to express my identity, through anything really: no speeches or dance performances. So, I could not express my identity anywhere.”
She acknowledges, while things have improved now, more work needs to be done. “Tamil people contribute to so many aspects, including culture, politics, sports and trade and business. Vanushi Walters is our first Tamil MP. It is definitely a work in progress” she said.
Start the conversations at home.
Identity discussions should start at home because the family is the first and most influential socialisation agent in a person’s life.
Family members are the first role models, and their attitudes and beliefs shape the self-perception and self-esteem of the child. By starting identity discussions at home, family members can provide a safe and supportive environment for children to explore and understand their identity, and to learn how to navigate the complexities of a multicultural society.
It also allows family members to understand and respect each other’s identities and perspectives which can foster a positive and inclusive family dynamic. “And that is where it all starts. It all starts at your house. Having those small conversations with your parents really helps you and almost empowers you to establish your own identity. That is what it did for me,” said Ms Paraneetharan.
She is also a public speaker and a drama teacher based in Wellington.
Dr Malini Yugendran is an Indian Newslink Reporter based in Auckland.
