Praneeta Mahajan
Hamilton, July 11, 2023
Charles Swindoll challenged us all with his famous statement, “Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.” But how can we teach our children the important skill of “making lemonade out of lemons” and learning to persevere through challenging situations?
The answer is to focus on small successes. Even if the success is small, when we value and celebrate the growth, this energy “fertilises” the success. In the future, it will grow to be a larger presence for the next challenging experience. Because you know there will be a next time.
Children need perseverance
Perseverance is a vital attribute that equips children with the strength to face challenges, overcome setbacks, and achieve their goals. By instilling perseverance in children, we empower them to navigate life’s obstacles with resilience and determination.
“Grit” has become a buzzword in child development and education circles. In psychology, grit is based on an individual’s passion, motivation, and determination to achieve a certain goal. The American Psychological Association states that grit is what separates the very best from those who are simply good enough.
Angela Duckworth, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, TED speaker, and bestselling author of ‘Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance’ first began studying grit as a seventh-grade math teacher. In 2007, she published a landmark study on grit, and she is now considered a leading expert on the subject.
Dr Duckworth’s research has focused on students who have shown long-term success in their academic and life trajectories. She found that a combination of grit and self-control, reliance, and ambition were the most reliable predictors of a positive outcome, rather than intelligence. The children who won the spelling bee, for instance, were not necessarily smarter than their peers. They just worked a whole lot harder at studying the words.
Encourage a Growth Mindset
Dr Carol S. Dweck, a renowned psychologist, emphasises the importance of fostering a growth mindset in children. She states, “In a growth mindset, challenges are seen as opportunities for growth.” Teach children that their abilities can be developed through hard work and determination. Encourage them to embrace challenges and view failures as valuable learning experiences.
In her book “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,” Dr Dweck further emphasises the importance of cultivating a growth mindset. She writes, “The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even when it is not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. Teach children that their abilities can be developed through effort and determination. Encourage them to embrace challenges, learn from failures, and persist in their pursuit of knowledge and skills.”
Dr Ellen Galinsky, a child development expert, suggests involving children in extracurricular activities. She states, “Sports, arts, and hobbies can teach perseverance through practice, discipline, and goal-setting.” These activities provide opportunities for children to develop determination, resilience, and a strong work ethic while pursuing their passions.
Set Realistic Goals
Dr Duckworth suggests setting achievable goals for children. She advises, “Start small and gradually increase the level of difficulty.” By setting realistic goals, children can experience success early on, boosting their confidence and motivation to persevere through more significant challenges.
Dr Robert Brooks, a clinical psychologist, stresses the importance of teaching problem-solving skills to children. He explains, “Resilient children can identify problems, brainstorm solutions, and take appropriate action.” Encourage children to think critically, explore different perspectives, and develop strategies to overcome obstacles. Emphasise that setbacks are an integral part of the problem-solving process.
Dr Kenneth R. Ginsburg, a paediatrician specialising in resilience, highlights the role of supportive adults. He suggests, “Children need caring adults who believe in them and their ability to overcome challenges.” Be a source of encouragement, offer guidance, and provide emotional support when children face difficulties. Let them know that they are not alone in their journey.
Cultivate a Positive Mindset
Dr Martin Seligman, a pioneer in positive psychology, emphasises the importance of optimism. He states, “Optimistic children believe that their efforts will lead to positive outcomes.” Encourage children to focus on their strengths and achievements, helping them develop a positive outlook. Teach them to reframe negative experiences as temporary setbacks rather than permanent failures.
In her book “Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy,” Sheryl Sandberg explores the concept of resilience. She states, “We plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events. Teach children that setbacks are a part of life and that they have the power to bounce back from difficult situations. Help them develop coping mechanisms, such as positive self-talk and seeking support, to navigate challenges with resilience.”
Make failure acceptable
Dr William Damon, a leading expert in child development, highlights the influence of adult role models. He suggests, “Parents, teachers, and mentors should demonstrate perseverance in their own lives.” Children learn best by observing and emulating the behaviours of those they look up to. Show them how you handle challenges and setbacks, emphasising the importance of perseverance.
As stated by Dr Carol S. Dweck, “The view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life.” Let us empower children with the belief that they can overcome any obstacle, enabling them to flourish and succeed in all their endeavours.
Talk with your children regularly about your failures and how you persevered, or ways you could have been more resilient. Children learn from the adults around them, so if you want your children to handle setbacks with grace and calm and become a model for determination, you need to model this yourself.
Talking to your children about your failures will help them understand that it is okay to fail, and they will see how people can problem-solve and bounce back. Talk about setbacks as they arise.
Help children build alternative plans and think of different ways to view situations. Show them that being flexible and knowing how to problem solve is a useful and mature quality.
Encourage consistent efforts
In his book “Outliers,” Malcolm Gladwell emphasises the importance of deliberate practice. He writes, “Achievement is talent plus preparation.” Teach children that success comes from consistent effort and practice. Encourage them to embrace challenges and put in the necessary work to improve their skills. Help them understand that setbacks are growth opportunities and that persistence is key to achieving their goals.
Angela Duckworth, author of “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance,” highlights the significance of grit in achieving long-term success. She states, “Grit is living life like it is a marathon, not a sprint.” Teach children the value of perseverance and resilience in the face of adversity. Encourage them to stay committed to their goals, even when the going gets tough, and remind them that setbacks are temporary roadblocks on the path to success.
Children’s author J.K. Rowling, known for the “Harry Potter” series, believes in the power of perseverance. She says, “It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all.” Share inspiring stories of individuals who faced obstacles but persevered to achieve greatness. Through storytelling, children learn that setbacks are not indicators of failure but stepping stones to success.
Foster a Supportive Environment
In his book “The Talent Code,” Daniel Coyle emphasises the significance of a supportive environment in fostering perseverance. He writes, “Greatness is not born. It is grown.” Create an environment where children feel supported, encouraged, and safe to take risks. Celebrate their efforts and progress, regardless of the outcome. Help them understand that mistakes are part of the learning process and encourage them to try again.
In his book “Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us,” Daniel H. Pink explores the role of purpose in fostering perseverance. He states, “The most deeply motivated people are those who are driven by a sense of purpose.” Help children identify their passions and interests. Encourage them to set meaningful goals aligned with their values and interests. When children have a sense of purpose, they are more likely to persevere in the face of challenges.
Teaching children perseverance is a gift that will serve them throughout their lives. By encouraging deliberate practice, we can help children develop the tenacity to overcome obstacles and empower our children to embrace challenges, persist in the face of setbacks, and flourish in the pursuit of their dreams.
Praneeta Mahajan is an Indian Newslink reporter based in Hamilton.
