At 22, Neeta has had more than her share of trauma.
She is now wiser, wary and scarred and is thankful that counselling helped her cope and move on in a positive manner.
“I am sharing my story of betrayal, because I want to warn other naïve young people to avoid falling into such traps. My message is that even at the worst of times, you can rebuild your life with some help,” she said.
Love facade
Neeta was a bubbly 19-year-old second year University student, studying to become a businesswoman when she met her mother’s colleague, a young Punjabi.
He used to help her occasionally with her studies, and soon the pair fell in love.
After a whirlwind courtship of three months, which her parents disapproved, they decided to get married.
“I was so much in love with Suraj that I did not believe my parents who said that he was marrying me only to obtain Permanent Residence. I was blind and he coaxed me to tell them that I would call the police if they upset me more.
“We were engaged in January 2008. Suraj was on a student visa, which was expiring within months and wanted to apply for a work visa with my help. We registered our marriage on November 4, 2008. His parents in Punjab appeared as the epitome of ideal in-laws when I spoke to them over the phone. I had suddenly found this new welcoming family when my own family was not supportive. Suraj was my dream husband.”
Post-Marriage shock
But Suraj remained the dream husband only for two days.
“My first encounter with his real self-began two days after our marriage when he slapped me. His abuse continued for no apparent reason. I could not believe what was happening and why. I kept thinking that it was my fault. We later formalised our wedding in India and returned to New Zealand.
“Suraj had become a different person by now. He used to push me around and punch me and eventually he got so violent that I had to ring the Police. He was arrested and that was his first conviction. He hurt me more when he said, “you can get out now, I have what I wanted (a work visa).
“Reality began to sink in mentally, but emotionally I was still clinging on to him. We were separated on September 16, 2012 and I went back to my parent’s home. I was depressed and went for see a doctor. I was advised counselling.
Hoping and coping
“That was the beginning. Counselling saved my life. I learnt ways to cope and rebuild my self-esteem. After several sessions, I knew what it was like to laugh again.
Her Counsellor Muriel Castelino said that she had seen many young men and women falling into similar traps.
In Neeta’s case, her courage and determination helped her to get through in a positive manner.
According to Home and Family Counselling Executive Director Mary Gray, the stories of clients are one of hope.
“They rebuild their shattered lives emotionally and mentally with the essential tools gained through counselling. The important message is that though life may be an uphill journey at times, counselling can help,” she said.
Home and Family Counselling invites families to its ‘Mt Eden Walk n Talk Treasure Hunt’ on April 14, 2013. Suitable for all ages and ability, people can choose their level of activity at the time of registration. The programme includes entertainment at the Tahaki Reserve, while participants enjoy a picnic or sausage sizzle.
Apart from being a fun event, it would highlight a serious message: “It’s better to talk” at the Fifth Counselling Awareness Week, scheduled to be held from April 14 to 20, 2013.
Participants can register online (www.counsellingawareness.org.nz) or on the day of the event at the Tahaki Reserve on April 14. A registration fee of $10 for adults and $5 for children between five and 12 years (children below five years of age would be admitted free) would apply.
