Amal Karl
Auckland, September 23, 2021
(Jasmine Chew)
We find ourselves in unchartered territory again.
The sudden lockdowns coupled with the uncertainty about when our lives will return to normal can result in ongoing anxiety.
We face pain and challenges in life but how do we stop these from becoming suffering? Radical Acceptance can be a powerful ally to help us achieve this by removing attachment to the pain.
Radical Acceptance has two key facets.
Firstly, it involves recognising our emotional or physical distress, whether it is around minor issues like traffic or more significant challenges such as navigating a chronic illness.
Secondly, it demands wholeheartedly practicing acceptance of the situation at hand.
As Marsha Linehan, American psychologist and author, said, “It involves accepting reality for what it is and rests on letting go of the illusion of control, a willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now, without judging.”
Non-acceptance is avoidance
The Dalai Lama said that that all human beings are alike, in that we only want to avoid pain and be happy. Suffering arises because we avoid pain and seek happiness in the wrong way.
We tend to fight our reality. How often do we have these thoughts arise – this is not fair, this cannot be true, it shouldn’t be this way, why me or why now? On some level, by rejecting the experiences or circumstances of our lives, we also reject ourselves.
Ironically, when we open ourselves to the truth of our circumstances and emotions, we open ourselves to the possibility of lasting and beneficial change.
True happiness comes not from the avoidance of pain, but rather from approaching it with radical, loving and open acceptance.
Acceptance is not inaction
Accepting reality and our present moment circumstances do not mean that we become helpless. Acceptance is empowering as when we accept the things we can’t control, we avoid getting stuck in a no-win situation.
We cease to waste energy on anger or resentment and instead make space for grief, sadness and ultimately healing. Though it sounds counterintuitive, accepting negative circumstances can help us feel better.
Dr Tara Brach, a Guiding Teacher and Founder, Insight Meditation Community of Washington DC said, “Life regularly and inevitably involves emotional stress, anger, fears around health, shame around failed relationships, but anything short of fully accepting our human experience will keep us caught in those emotions.”
One reason is that the habitual ways we deal with difficult situations are to avoid truly feeling our emotions, like pretending that everything is fine, acting amiable when feeling resentful.
This approach is ultimately depleting and not restorative.
(Vlada Karpovich)
Yoga’s path to acceptance
The term acceptance as per Yoga means experiencing the present “as it is.”
It also means that the mind is totally at ease being in the now moment.
The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, the classical text written more than 2500 years ago, defined Yoga as mental practice.
All aspects of Yoga, including the Asanas (Postures), are practiced bringing about a cessation (Nirodhah) of the fluctuations of the mind (Uritti). Pranayama (breathing exercises) can induce acceptance by practicing them to inhale all that is positive in the universe and exhaling all that is negative within oneself.
A balanced Prana (life energy) leads to a calmer and steadier mind. A steadier mind induces acceptance. One can accept the reality of the world only when one has accepted one’s own self, as these work in tandem.
Accepting situations and circumstances for what they are, without complaining, makes life simpler and easier to understand.
Tom Hanks (American actor and producer) said in Forrest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.” This exemplifies the randomness of life. We just do not know what is going to happen until it actually happens.
Those who can remain content with whatever comes their way have endurance, evenness of mind and tremendous self-restraint.
It becomes easier for an accepting mind to realise the unity of all the elements in the entire universe. Acceptance generates the sense of oneness, of being connected with everyone and everything around us. This empowering sentiment can alleviate our stress and ultimately provide serenity and inner peace.
Amal Karl is Group Chief Executive of FxMed New Zealand, NaturalMeds New Zealand and RN Labs Australia and Director of other companies. He lives in Auckland.
